Bank Ladies

If ladies were banks: The tall slim ones will be called -- Skye bank The robust and spacious ones -- Oceanic bank The ones that move from one relationship to another -- Intercontinental bank The silent but dangerous ones will be -- First Inland bank Those who are not cute yet they love being heard -- Bank PHB Those who stick to one man -- Fidelity bank Those who seems caring yet debit you massively for every affection -- UBA Those that go to any extend to make you sad -- Zenith bank Those who are old yet they don't realize they are no more in vogue...

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Computer Lifestyle

If Life Were Like A Computer: You could add/remove someone in your life using the control panel. You could put your kids in the recycle bin and restore them when you feel like it! You could improve your appearance by adjusting the display settings. You could turn off the speakers when life gets too noisy. You could click on (Ctrl, F) to recover your lost remote control and car keys. To get your daily exercise, just click on run! If you mess up your life, you could always press Ctrl, Alt, Delete and start all over! True or Fa...

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Carbon-IV-Oxide

In a biology class, the teacher asked the class a question TEACHER: If we breath out Carbon-IV-Oxide. What do we breath in? AKPOS: (raises his hand and stands up) Carbon-IV-Insi...

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Flies In Drinks

An English man, a French man and a Nigerian man go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, 3 flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints. The English man disgusted pushes away the pint and orders another one. The French man picks out the fly, shrugs and takes a long swallow. The Nigerian man reaches into the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers, stares at it angrily and shakes it while yelling, ''Spit it out, you bastard! spit it ou...

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Remain Silent

At a Wedding in a Church, the Pastor said to the Congregation; "Is there any Man or Woman here who knows anything that will make this wedding not to go on? You may say it now or forever remain silent." Akpos quickly stood up from the back and started walking towards the altar. The Bride fainted, the Groom ran out of the church. The Pastor gave the man the microphone to say what he wanted to say. He said "Pastor, please show me the way to the toilet, I want to poo...

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Why I hate My Boyfriend

GIRL: I hate my boyfriend! BOY: Why? GIRL: He is so cheap he cant even buy me a simple dinner, are all boys like that? BOY: Of course not, I'm not like that. GIRL: I'm going to break up with him. BOY: Ok but know I'm available. [Girl stands to leave] BOY: Wait, where are you going? GIRL: To break up with my boyfriend of course. BOY: You can't leave. GIRL: Why? BOY: Who is going to pay for the lunch we just h...

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Right Answers

Akpos got 0% marks in an exam and was surprised because all his answers were seemingly correct! The questions and answers below: Q.1- In which battle did Usman Dan Fodio Die? Ans.- In his Last Battle. Q.2- Where was the Declaration of Independence Signed? Ans.- At the Bottom of the Page. Q.3- What is the Main Reason for Divorce? Ans.- Marriage. Q.4- What day is the Nigeria Independence? Ans.- Independence Day Q.5- When was Nelson Mandela Born? Ans.- On His Birthday. Q.6- How will you Distribute 8 Mangoes among 6 People? Ans.- By Preparing Mango...

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It's Me!

Jonathan met with the Queen of England. He asked her, "How do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips u can give to me? I want to help Nigeria." "Well," said the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people." Jonathan frowned, and then asked,"But how do i know the people around me are really intelligent?" The Queen replied, "Oh, that's easy, you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle." The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "Please send David Cameron in here, would you?" David Cameron...

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How Akpos was expelled from School

Having flogged him for his poor performance in an English language test. TEACHER: You are just such a dummy! You can't even make a simple sentence in your test. AKPOS: Haba aunty! TEACHER: Shut up! Ok make a simple sentence with 'mad'. AKPOS: Our aunty is m...

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Jealous Husband

HUSBAND: My wife where are you? WIFE: At home love. HUSBAND: Are you sure? WIFE: Yes. HUSBAND: Turn on the blender. WIFE: (turns blender on) reeereeeereeee HUSBAND: Ok my love goodbye. Another day HUSBAND: My wife where are you? WIFE: At home love HUSBAND: Are you sure? WIFE: Yes HUSBAND: Turn on the blender WIFE: (turns blender on) reeereeeereeee HUSBAND: Ok my love goodbye The next day, the husband decides to go home without notice, and finds his son alone and he asked him son where is your mother? SON: I don't know, she went out with the bl...

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Job Application

Dear Sir, APPLICATION FOR EMPLOYMENT I refer to the recent death of the accountant at your office and hereby apply for the job as a replacement of the dead accountant. Each time I apply for employment, I get a reply that there is no vacancy but in this case, I have caught you red handed and you have no excuse because while I was in my hometown for holidays I heard the good news about his death so i quickly rushed back to attend the funeral to be sure that he was truly dead before applying. Attached to my letter is a copy of my CV and his obituary...

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Two Thieves

A guy is woken one night by noises coming from his backyard. He gets up and looks through the window and spots two burglars helping themselves to his gardening equipment. The man immediately calls the police but is told there aren't any officers available. The policeman on duty promises to send someone as soon as possible. The man hangs up. A minute later he calls the police again. "Hello," he says "I called you a minute ago because there were thieves in my backyard. You no longer have to send anyone because I've shot them." Within five minutes,...

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All the Premier League Transfers - Ins & Outs, Summer 2014

The transfer window slammed shut on Monday night with a new record high for top-flight clubs' spending of over £800 million. Goal lists in full every deal by each teamARSENALARSENALARSENALARSENAL In:Alexis Sanchez (Barcelona, £31.8m), Calum Chambers (Southampton, £16m), Danny Welbeck (Manchester United , £16m), Mathieu Debuchy (Newcastle, £8m), David Ospina (Nice, £3.5m), Elias Chatzitheodoridis (Mas Kallitheakos, Undisclosed), Hugo Keto (HJK Helsinki,...

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Prophet Iginla Who Predicted Ebola Outbreak Speaks Again

The General Overseer of Abuja-based Cham­pion Royal As­sembly Church, prophet Joshua Iginla, claimed in a recent interview that the world had not seen the worst Ebola yet.It is believed that Iginla predicted the outbreak of the deadly tropical disease on December 31, 2013, saying that some virus would hit the world soon. Ebola epidemic started in West Africa in February and has killed more than 1,500 people since. With every single death...

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TB Joshua’s ‘Anointing Sticker’ Saved Me – Survivor Of Boko Haram Attack

A Police officer, Omereji Friday who escaped Boko Haram’s attack at a Nigerian Police training college in Gwoza, Borno State on  Wednesday, August 20 recounted how TB Joshua’s ‘Anointing Sticker’ miraculously saved him.According to a Nigerian Journalist, Ihechukwu Njoku, the survivor, Omereji Friday, a Rivers State indigene who was present at the scene of the bloody onslaught, attributes his own survival to divine protection.Speaking at The...

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Revealed! Yvonne Nelson And John Dumelo In Secrete Romance

Ok Here comes another celebrity hide and seek lovers…Yvonne Nelson just posted the above tweet of hers to amid the rumored report of her dating who she wants us all to be they are just friends (John Dumelo) unknowingly for then they have already exposed themselves too much that they can’t deny being in a romantic relationship.. We have some pictures and their captions that will wow you bel...

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Rivers State Government Sends 3 People to Ebola Treatment Center

The Rivers Commissioner for Health, Sampson Parker, on Sunday in Port Harcourt said three persons have been moved to the state’s treatment centre for observation on the Ebola disease.Parker told newsmen the patients are a doctor, a pharmacist and a woman who had contact with Dr Ike Enemuo, who died of Ebola on Aug. 22.Enemuo was a Port Harcourt-based medical practitioner who treated an ECOWAS diplomat with the Ebola virus.“We...

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Finally Revealed: The Real cause of Dagrin’s Death! – You need to see this (Look)

Residents in Mushin in a new interview with SaharaReporters, blamed the fatal night-time crash on the Nigerian police in Alakara station. According to them, Policemen at the Alakara Police Command in the Mushin area of Lagos State are notorious for illegal raiding, bribery, and even escapades of what some call ‘murder at night’.“I was there that night, and we did not even know at first that it was anyone (famous) like that. We were only helping...

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