Bank Ladies

If ladies were banks: The tall slim ones will be called -- Skye bank The robust and spacious ones -- Oceanic bank The ones that move from one relationship to another -- Intercontinental bank The silent but dangerous ones will be -- First Inland bank Those who are not cute yet they love being heard -- Bank PHB Those who stick to one man -- Fidelity bank Those who seems caring yet debit you massively for every affection -- UBA Those that go to any extend to make you sad -- Zenith bank Those who are old yet they don't realize they are no more in vogue -- Union bank The brief and summarized ones -- Micro Finance Banks The huge ones that ''stand gidigba for ground' -- First bank; The beautiful, reserved and homely ones -- Diamond Bank The ones that must spend their annual vacation abroad even when the husband is broke -- GTBank The ones with numerous sugar daddies -- Access Bank The expensive ones -- Standard Chartered Bank The Independent One -- IBTC True or False?

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Computer Lifestyle

If Life Were Like A Computer: You could add/remove someone in your life using the control panel. You could put your kids in the recycle bin and restore them when you feel like it! You could improve your appearance by adjusting the display settings. You could turn off the speakers when life gets too noisy. You could click on (Ctrl, F) to recover your lost remote control and car keys. To get your daily exercise, just click on run! If you mess up your life, you could always press Ctrl, Alt, Delete and start all over! True or False

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Carbon-IV-Oxide

In a biology class, the teacher asked the class a question TEACHER: If we breath out Carbon-IV-Oxide. What do we breath in? AKPOS: (raises his hand and stands up) Carbon-IV-Inside.

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Flies In Drinks

An English man, a French man and a Nigerian man go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, 3 flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints. The English man disgusted pushes away the pint and orders another one. The French man picks out the fly, shrugs and takes a long swallow. The Nigerian man reaches into the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers, stares at it angrily and shakes it while yelling, ''Spit it out, you bastard! spit it out!'

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Remain Silent

At a Wedding in a Church, the Pastor said to the Congregation; "Is there any Man or Woman here who knows anything that will make this wedding not to go on? You may say it now or forever remain silent." Akpos quickly stood up from the back and started walking towards the altar. The Bride fainted, the Groom ran out of the church. The Pastor gave the man the microphone to say what he wanted to say. He said "Pastor, please show me the way to the toilet, I want to poop."

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Why I hate My Boyfriend

GIRL: I hate my boyfriend! BOY: Why? GIRL: He is so cheap he cant even buy me a simple dinner, are all boys like that? BOY: Of course not, I'm not like that. GIRL: I'm going to break up with him. BOY: Ok but know I'm available. [Girl stands to leave] BOY: Wait, where are you going? GIRL: To break up with my boyfriend of course. BOY: You can't leave. GIRL: Why? BOY: Who is going to pay for the lunch we just had?

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Right Answers

Akpos got 0% marks in an exam and was surprised because all his answers were seemingly correct! The questions and answers below: Q.1- In which battle did Usman Dan Fodio Die? Ans.- In his Last Battle. Q.2- Where was the Declaration of Independence Signed? Ans.- At the Bottom of the Page. Q.3- What is the Main Reason for Divorce? Ans.- Marriage. Q.4- What day is the Nigeria Independence? Ans.- Independence Day Q.5- When was Nelson Mandela Born? Ans.- On His Birthday. Q.6- How will you Distribute 8 Mangoes among 6 People? Ans.- By Preparing Mango Shake! Do you feel that he was wrongly penalised? Comment Below...

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It's Me!

Jonathan met with the Queen of England. He asked her, "How do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips u can give to me? I want to help Nigeria." "Well," said the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people." Jonathan frowned, and then asked,"But how do i know the people around me are really intelligent?" The Queen replied, "Oh, that's easy, you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle." The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "Please send David Cameron in here, would you?" David Cameron walked into the room and said,"Yes, your majesty?" The Queen smiled and said, "Answer this riddle. David, your mother and father have a child, it is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?" Without pausing for a minute David Cameron answered, "that would be me." "Yes, very good," said the Queen. Jonathan went back home to ask his Vice President Sambo. JONATHAN: Answer this. Your mother and your father have a child, it's not your brother and it's not your sister, who is it? SAMBO: "I'm not sure, let me get back to you." He asked all his staff in the Office but none could give him an answer. Finally, one day, VP Sambo ran into Dora Akunyili. Sambo asked, Dora, SAMBO: Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or sister, who is it?" Dora answered sharply, "That's easy, its me!" Sambo smiled,and said "Thanks!" Then he went back to speak with President Jonathan. Sambo: Sir, I have the answer to that riddle, It's Dora Akunyili! Jonathan got angry,he said to Sambo. "No wonder Nigeria isn't moving forward, I am surrounded by Dummies! The answer is David Cameron!" WHO IS MORE INTELLIGENT?

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How Akpos was expelled from School

Having flogged him for his poor performance in an English language test. TEACHER: You are just such a dummy! You can't even make a simple sentence in your test. AKPOS: Haba aunty! TEACHER: Shut up! Ok make a simple sentence with 'mad'. AKPOS: Our aunty is mad.

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Jealous Husband

HUSBAND: My wife where are you? WIFE: At home love. HUSBAND: Are you sure? WIFE: Yes. HUSBAND: Turn on the blender. WIFE: (turns blender on) reeereeeereeee HUSBAND: Ok my love goodbye. Another day HUSBAND: My wife where are you? WIFE: At home love HUSBAND: Are you sure? WIFE: Yes HUSBAND: Turn on the blender WIFE: (turns blender on) reeereeeereeee HUSBAND: Ok my love goodbye The next day, the husband decides to go home without notice, and finds his son alone and he asked him son where is your mother? SON: I don't know, she went out with the blender.

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Job Application

Dear Sir, APPLICATION FOR EMPLOYMENT I refer to the recent death of the accountant at your office and hereby apply for the job as a replacement of the dead accountant. Each time I apply for employment, I get a reply that there is no vacancy but in this case, I have caught you red handed and you have no excuse because while I was in my hometown for holidays I heard the good news about his death so i quickly rushed back to attend the funeral to be sure that he was truly dead before applying. Attached to my letter is a copy of my CV and his obituary as proof of vacancy. You can't swerve me this time. Give me the job. Thank you, Yours Truly, Kweku Boateng

See more at: http://www.gossip9ja.com/joke/job-application

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Two Thieves

A guy is woken one night by noises coming from his backyard. He gets up and looks through the window and spots two burglars helping themselves to his gardening equipment. The man immediately calls the police but is told there aren't any officers available. The policeman on duty promises to send someone as soon as possible. The man hangs up. A minute later he calls the police again. "Hello," he says "I called you a minute ago because there were thieves in my backyard. You no longer have to send anyone because I've shot them." Within five minutes, there are half a dozen police cars in the area, plus an helicopter and an armed response unit. The burglars are caught red-handed. The officer who took the call says to the guy, "But I thought you said you'd shot them." "Yes," the guy replies," and I thought you said there were no policeman available."

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All the Premier League Transfers - Ins & Outs, Summer 2014

The transfer window slammed shut on Monday night with a new record high for top-flight clubs' spending of over £800 million. Goal lists in full every deal by each team
ARSENAL

ARSENAL


ARSENAL

ARSENAL

In:
Alexis Sanchez (Barcelona, £31.8m), Calum Chambers (Southampton, £16m), Danny Welbeck (Manchester United , £16m), Mathieu Debuchy (Newcastle, £8m), David Ospina (Nice, £3.5m), Elias Chatzitheodoridis (Mas Kallitheakos, Undisclosed), Hugo Keto (HJK Helsinki, Undisclosed), Ben Sheaf (West Ham, Undisclosed).
Out: Thomas Vermaelen (Barcelona, £15m), Johan Djourou (Hamburg, £2.5m), Thomas Eisfeld (Fulham, Undisclosed), Ignasi Miquel (Norwich City, Undisclosed) Zak Ansah (Charlton Athletic), Lukasz Fabianski (Swansea City), Zachari Fagan (Welling United), Bacary Sagna (Manchester City), Chuks Aneke (Zulte Waregem), Nicklas Bendtner (Wolfsburg), Leander Siemann (Porto B), Wellington Silva (Almeria, Loan), Carl Jenkinson (West Ham United, Loan), Benik Afobe (MK Dons, Loan), Ryo Miyaichi (FC Twente, Loan) Jon Toral (Brentford).

Released: Daniel Boateng, Park Chu-Young.
ASTON VILLA

ASTON VILLA



ASTON VILLA

ASTON VILLA

In: Carlos Sanchez (Elche, Undisclosed), Joe Cole (West Ham), Aly Cissokho (Valencia, Undisclosed), Tom Leggett, Isaac Nehemie (Both Southampton, Undisclosed), Philippe Senderos (Valencia), Kieran Richardson (Fulham).

Out: Jordan Bowery (Rotherham United, £250,000), Samir Carruthers (MK Dons, Undisclosed), Karim El Ahmadi (Feyenoord, Undisclosed), Marc Albrighton (Leicester City), Nathan Delfouneso (Blackpool), Nicklas Helenius (Aalborg, Loan), Yacouba Sylla (Erciyesspor, Loan), Jed Steer (Doncaster Rovers, Loan), Antonio Luna (Verona, Loan), Daniel Johnson (Chesterfield, Loan), Aleksander Tonev (Celtic, Loan), Janoi Donacien (Tranmere, Loan), Joe Bennett (Brighton, Loan).

Released: Aidan Grant, Andras Stieber.
BURNLEY

BURNLEY



BURNLEY

BURNLEY

In: Lukas Jutkiewicz (Middlesbrough, £1.5m), Marvin Sordell (Bolton, Undisclosed), Michael Kightly (Stoke City, Undisclosed), Stephen Ward (Wolves, Undisclosed), George Boyd (Hull City, Undisclosed), Matt Gilks (Blackpool), Steven Reid (West Brom), Matt Taylor (West Ham), Nathaniel Chalobah (Chelsea, Loan), Michael Keane (Manchester United, Loan).

Out: David Edgar (Birmingham City), Joseph Mills (Oldham), Junior Stanislas (Bournemouth), Chris Baird (West Brom), Luke O'Neill (Scunthorpe United, Loan).

Released: Kyle Brownhill, Alex Coleman, Luke Conlan, Jack Errington, Micah Evans, Luke Gallagher, Nick Liversedge, Archie Love, Brian Stock, Keith Treacy

CHELSEA

CHELSEA



CHELSEA

CHELSEA

In: Diego Costa (Atletico Madrid, £35m), Cesc Fabregas (Barcelona, £30m), Filipe Luis (Atletico Madrid, £15.8m), Loic Remy (QPR, £8.5m), Mario Pasalic (Hajduk Split, £2.4m), Didier Drogba (Galatasaray).

Out: David Luiz (Paris Saint-Germain, £50m), Romelu Lukaku (Everton, £28m), Demba Ba (Besiktas, £4.7m), Patrick van Aanholt (Sunderland, Undisclosed), Ashley Cole (Roma), Sam Hutchinson (Sheffield Wednesday), Frank Lampard (New York City FC), George Cole, Daniel Pappoe (Both Brighton & Hove Albion), Billy Clifford (Walsall), Tomas Kalas (Cologne, Loan), Wallace (Vitesse Arnhem, Loan), Thorgan Hazard (Borussia Mönchengladbach, Loan), Bertrand Traore (Vitesse Arnhem, Loan), Cristian Cuevas (Club Universidad de Chile, Loan), Mario Pasalic (Elche, Loan), Ryan Bertrand (Southampton, Loan), Gael Kakuta (Rayo Vallecano, Loan), John Swift (Rotherham, Loan), Oriol Romeu (Stuttgart, Loan), Kenneth Omeruo (Middlesbrough, Loan), Christian Atsu (Everton, Loan), Marko Marin (Fiorentina, Loan), Josh McEachran (Vitesse Arnhem, Loan), Victor Moses (Stoke, Loan), Fernando Torres, Marco van Ginkel (both AC Milan, Loan), Nathaniel Chalobah (Burnley, Loan).

Released: Samuel Eto'o, Henrique Hilario, Milan Lalkovic, Adam Nditi, Jhon Pirez.

CRYSTAL PALACE

CRYSTAL PALACE



CRYSTAL PALACE

CRYSTAL PALACE

In: Martin Kelly (Liverpool, £1.5m), Fraizer Campbell (Cardiff City, £900,000), James McArthur (Wigan, Undisclosed), Zeki Fryers (Tottenham, Undisclosed), Chris Kettings (Blackpool), Brede Hangeland (Fulham), Kevin Doyle (Wolves, Loan), Wilfried Zaha (Manchester United, Loan).

Out: Jose Campana (Sampdoria, £1.4m), Neil Alexander, Osman Sow (Both Hearts), Kagisho Dikgacoi (Cardiff City), Dean Moxey (Bolton Wanderers), Aaron Wilbraham (Bristol City), Jonathan Parr (Ipswich Town), Ross Fitzsimons (Bolton Wanderers), Alex Wynter (Portsmouth, Loan), Kwesi Appiah (Cambridge United, Loan), Jack Hunt (Nottingham Forest, Loan), Stephen Dobbie (Fleetwood Town, Loan), Glenn Murray (Reading, Loan).

Released: Danny Gabbidon, Ibra Sekajja, Quade Taylor, Derek Tieku, Tom King, Alistair Gordon.

EVERTON

EVERTON



EVERTON

EVERTON

In: Romelu Lukaku (Chelsea, £28m), Muhamed Besic (Ferencvaros, £4m), Gareth Barry (Manchester City, £1m), Brendon Galloway (MK Dons, Undisclosed), Samuel Eto'o (Chelsea), Christian Atsu (Chelsea, Loan).

Out: Shane Duffy (Blackburn Rovers, £1.5m), Magaye Gueye (Millwall), John Lundstram (Blackpool, Loan), Matthew Kennedy (Hibernian, Loan).

Released: Mason Springthorpe, Ibou Touray, Apostolos Vellios.

HULL CITY

HULL CITY



HULL CITY

HULL CITY

In: Abel Hernandez (Palermo, £9.5m), Jake Livermore (Tottenham, £8m), Robert Snodgrass (Norwich City, £7m), Andrew Robertson (Dundee United, £2.85m), Michael Dawson (Tottenham, Undisclosed), Mohamed Diame (West Ham, Undisclosed), Tom Ince (Blackpool, Compensation to be agreed), Karim Rossi (Stoke City), Gaston Ramirez (Southampton, Loan), Hatem Ben Arfa (Newcastle, Loan).

Out: Shane Long (Southampton, £12m), George Boyd (Burnley, Undisclosed), Matty Fryatt (Nottingham Forest), Paul McElroy (Sheffield Wednesday), Conor Henderson (Crawley Town), Cameron Stewart (Ipswich Town), Jack Barlow (Boston United), Robert Koren (Melbourne City), Mark Oxley (Hibernian, Loan), Conor Townsend (Dundee United, Loan), Joe Dudgeon (Barnsley, Loan).

Released: Abdoulaye Faye, Paul Dudgeon.

LEICESTER CITY

LEICESTER CITY



LEICESTER CITY

LEICESTER CITY

In: Leonardo Ulloa (Brighton, £8m), Danny Simpson (QPR, Undisclosed), Tom Lawrence (Manchester United, Undisclosed), Matthew Upson (Brighton), Marc Albrighton (Aston Villa), Jack Barmby, Louis Rowley (Both Manchester United), Ben Hamer (Charlton), Esteban Cambiasso (Inter), Kris Scott (Swansea), Nick Powell (Manchester United, Loan).

Out: Lloyd Dyer (Watford), George Taft (Burton Albion), Zak Whitbread (Derby County), Neil Danns (Bolton Wanderers), Ben Frempah (Ross County), Paul Gallagher (Preston North End, Loan), Conrad Logan (Rochdale, Loan).

Released: Sean St Ledger, Kieran Kennedy, Ryan Watson, Adam Dawson, Jak McCourt, Marcel Barrington, Jacob Blyth, Michael Cain, Harry Panayiotou, James Pearson, Alie Sesay, Adam Smith.

LIVERPOOL

LIVERPOOL



LIVERPOOL

LIVERPOOL

In: Alberto Moreno (Sevilla, £12m), Adam Lallana (Southampton, £25m), Dejan Lovren (Southampton, £20m), Lazar Markovic (Benfica, £19.8m), Divock Origi (Lille, undisclosed), Emre Can (Bayer Leverkusen, £10m), Rickie Lambert (Southampton, undisclosed), Mario Balotelli (AC Milan, £16m), Lawrence Vigouroux, Kevin Stewart (Both Tottenham Hotspur), Javier Manquillo (Atletico Madrid, Loan).

Out: Luis Suarez (Barcelona, £70m), Daniel Agger (Brondby, £3m), Martin Kelly (Crystal Palace, £1.5m), Conor Coady (Huddersfield Town, £375,000), Pepe Reina (Bayern Munich, Undisclosed), Jack Robinson (QPR, Undisclosed), Villyan Bijev (Slavia Sofia), Jakub Sokolik (Yeovil Town), Michael Ngoo (Kilmarnock), Luis Alberto (Malaga, Loan), Iago Aspas (Sevilla, Loan), Andre Wisdom (West Brom, Loan), Brad Smith (Swindon Town, Loan), Tiago Ilori (Bordeaux, Loan), Divock Origi (Lille, Loan), Joao Carlos Teixeira (Brighton, Loan), Oussama Assaidi (Stoke City, Loan), Jordan Ibe (Derby County, Loan), Sebastian Coates (Sunderland, Loan).

Released: Yalany Baio, Yusuf Mersin, Michael Ngoo, Craig Roddan, Stephen Sama.

MANCHESTER CITY

MANCHESTER CITY



MANCHESTER CITY

MANCHESTER CITY

In: Eliaquim Mangala (Porto, £31.8m), Fernando (Porto, £12m), Willy Caballero (Malaga, £6.5m), Bruno Zuculini (Racing Club, Undisclosed), Bacary Sagna (Arsenal), Frank Lampard (New York City, Loan).

Out: Javi Garcia (Zenit St Petersburg, £12m), Jack Rodwell (Sunderland, £10m), Gareth Barry (Everton, £1m), Emyr Huws (Wigan, Undisclosed), Costel Pantilimon (Sunderland), Joleon Lescott (West Brom), Alex Henshall (Ipswich Town), Ellis Plummer (St Mirren), Reece Wabara (Doncaster Rovers), Marcos Lopes (Lille, Loan), Greg Leigh (Crewe Alexandra, Loan), Jason Denayer (Celtic, Loan), Devante Cole (Barnsley, Loan), Bruno Zuculini, Alvaro Negredo (both Valencia, Loan), Micah Richards (Fiorentina, Loan).

Released: Thomas Agyiri, Kieran Kennedy, Joleon Lescott, George Swan, Alex Tchuimeni-Nimely.

MANCHESTER UNITED

MANCHESTER UNITED



MANCHESTER UNITED

MANCHESTER UNITED

In: Daley Blind (Ajax, £14m), Angel Di Maria (Real Madrid, £59.7m), Marcos Rojo (Sporting Lisbon, £16m), Luke Shaw (Southampton, £30m), Ander Herrera (Athletic Bilbao, £28m), Vanja Milinkovic (Vojvodina, Undisclosed), Radamel Falcao (Monaco, Loan).

Out: Danny Welbeck (Arsenal, £16m), Alexander Buttner (Dynamo Moscow, £4.4m), Patrice Evra (Juventus, £1.5m), Bebe (Benfica, £2.3m), Shinji Kagawa (Borussia Dortmund, Undisclosed), Tom Lawrence (Leicester City, Undisclosed), Jack Barmby (Leicester City), Feredrico Macheda (Cardiff City), Nemanja Vidic (Inter), Louis Rowley (Leicester City), Rio Ferdinand (QPR), Charni Ekangamene (Zulte Waregem), Vanja Milinkovic (FK Vojvodina, Loan), Angelo Henriquez (Dynamo Zagreb, Loan), Nani (Sporting Lisbon, Loan), Wilfried Zaha (Crystal Palace, Loan), Javier Hernandez (Real Madrid, Loan), Michael Keane (Burnley, Loan), Nick Powell (Leicester City, Loan).

Released: Sam Byrne, Ryan Giggs, Jack Rudge.

NEWCASTLE


NEWCASTLE




NEWCASTLE

NEWCASTLE

In: Remy Cabella (Montpellier, £12m), Karl Darlow, Jamaal Lascelles (Nottingham Forest, £6m combined), Emmanuel Riviere (Monaco, £6.3m), Siem de Jong (Ajax, £6m), Daryl Janmaat (Feyenoord, Undisclosed), Ayoze Perez (Tenerife, £1.5m), Jack Colback (Sunderland), Facundo Ferreyra (Shakhtar Donetsk, Loan).

Out: Mathieu Debuchy (Arsenal, £12m), James Tavernier (Wigan, £900,000), Dan Gosling (Bournemouth), Jonathan Mitchell (Derby County), Conor Newton (Rotherham), Romain Amalfitano (Dijon), Shola Ameobi (Gaziantep), Steven Logan (Annan Athletic), Adam Campbell (Fleetwood Town, Loan), Sylvain Marveaux (Guingcamp, Loan), Karl Darlow, Jamaal Lascelles (Nottingham Forest, Loans), Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa (Roma, Loan), Hatem Ben Arfa (Hull City, Loan).

Released: Brandon Miele, Jonathan Mitchell, Michael Richardson.

QPR

QPR



QPR

QPR

In: Steven Caulker (Cardiff City, £8m), Leroy Fer (Norwich City, £7m), Jordon Mutch (Cardiff City, Undisclosed), Sandro (Tottenham, Undisclosed), Rio Ferdinand (Manchester United), Mauricio Isla (Juventus, Loan), Eduardo Vargas (Napoli, Loan), Niko Kranjcar (Dynamo Kiev, Loan).

Out: Loic Remy (Chelsea, £8.5m), Yossi Benayoun (Maccabi Haifa, Undisclosed), Esteban Granero (Real Sociedad, Undisclosed), Danny Simpson (Leicester City, Undisclosed), Julio Cesar (Benfica), Tom Hitchcock (MK Dons), Aaron Hughes (Brighton), Mo Shariff (Bradford City), Gary O'Neil (Norwich City), Joe Lumley (Accrington Stanley, Loan).

Released: Angelo Balanta, Hogan Ephraim, Andrew Johnson, Stephane Mbia.

SOUTHAMPTON

SOUTHAMPTON



QPR

QPR

In: Shane Long (Hull City, £12m), Dusan Tadic (Twente, £10.9m), Fraser Forster (Celtic, £10m), Sadio Mane (Red Bull Salzburg, £10m), Graziano Pelle (Feyenoord, £9m), Florin Gardos (Steaua Bucharest, £6m), Saphir Taider (Inter, Loan), Ryan Bertrand (Chelsea, Loan), Toby Alderweireld (Atletico Madrid, Loan).

Out: Luke Shaw (Manchester United, £30m), Adam Lallana (Liverpool, £25m), Dejan Lovren (Liverpool, £20m), Calum Chambers (Arsenal, £16m), Rickie Lambert (Liverpool, £4m), Billy Sharp (Leeds United, £600,000), Tom Leggett, Isaac Nehemie (Both Aston Villa, Undisclosed), Saphir Taider (Inter, loan cancelled), Danny Fox (Nottingham Forest), Andy Robinson (Bolton), Lee Barnard (Southend United), Matt Young (Sheffield Wednesday), Jonathan Forte (Oldham Athletic), Dani Osvaldo (Inter, Loan), Jordan Turnbull (Swindon Town, Loan), Gaston Ramirez (Hull City, Loan), Jos Hooiveld (Norwich City, Loan).

Released: Lee Barnard, Joe Curtis, Guly Do Prado, Andreas Sony.

STOKE CITY

STOKE CITY



STOKE CITY

STOKE CITY

In: Bojan Krkic (Barcelona, undisclosed), Dionatan Teixeira (Banska Bystrica, Undisclosed), Mame Biram Diouf (Hannover 96), Phil Bardsley (Sunderland), Steve Sidwell (Fulham), Victor Moses (Chelsea, Loan), Oussama Assaidi (Liverpool, Loan).

Out: Cameron Jerome (Norwich City, £1.5m), Michael Kightly (Burnley, Undisclosed), Jordan Keane (Alfreton Town), Ed Sanders (Sheffield Wednesday), Karim Rossi (Hull City), Kevin Gomez-Nieto (Helmond), James Alabi (Accrington Stanley, Loan), Jamie Ness (Crewe Alexandra, Loan).

Released: Juan Agudelo, Lucas Dawson, Matthew Etherington, Ben Heneghan, Jordan Richardson.

SUNDERLAND

SUNDERLAND



SUNDERLAND

SUNDERLAND

In: Jack Rodwell (Manchester City, £10m), Will Buckley (Brighton, £2.5m), Patrick van Aanholt (Chelsea, Undisclosed), Jordi Gomez (Wigan Athletic), Billy Jones (West Brom), Costel Pantilimon (Manchester City), Santiago Vergini (Estudiantes, Loan), Sebastian Coates (Liverpool, Loan), Ricky Alvarez (Inter, Loan).

Out: Ignacio Scocco (Newell's Old Boys, £2.1m), Carlos Cuellar (Norwich), Phil Bardsley (Stoke City), Jack Colback (Newcastle), Craig Gardner (West Brom), Billy Knott (Bradford City), John Egan (Gillingham), Kieren Westwood (Sheffield Wednesday), Louis Laing (Nottingham Forest), Reece Noble (Durham City), Oscar Ustari (Newell's Old Boys), David Vaughan (Nottingham Forest), Jordan Pickford (Bradford City, Loan), Scott Harrison (Hartlepool United), Valentin Roberge (Stade de Reims, Loan).

Released: Carlos Cuellar, Andrea Dossena, Jordan Laidler, Alejandro Rodriguez Gorrin, Jordan Watson, Mobido Diakite.

SWANSEA CITY


SWANSEA CITY




SWANSEA CITY

SWANSEA CITY

In: Federico Fernandez (Napoli, £7m), Jefferson Montero (Morelia, £4m), Marvin Emnes (Middlesbrough, £1.5m), Moudo Barrow (Ostersunds, Undisclosed), Stephen Kingsley (Falkirk, Undisclosed), Gylfi Sigurdsson (Tottenham, Swap), Adrian Maric (GAIN, Undisclosed), Lukasz Fabianski (Arsenal), Bafetimbi Gomis (Lyon), James Demetriou (Nottingham Forest), Giancarlo Gallifuoco (Tottenham).

Out: Ben Davies (Tottenham, £8m plus swap), Michel Vorm (Tottenham, £4.5m), Gwion Edwards (Crawley Town, £700,000), Chico Flores (Lekhwiya, Undisclosed), Alejandro Pozuelo (Rayo Vallecano, Undisclosed), Thomas Atyeo (Aberystwyth Town), Jose Canas (Espanyol), Kris Scott (Leicester City), Leroy Lita (Barnsley), Daniel Alfei (Northampton Town, Loan), Michu (Napoli, Loan).

Released: Leroy Lita, Jernade Meade, David Ngog, Darnel Situ.

TOTTENHAM

TOTTENHAM



TOTTENHAM

TOTTENHAM

In: Ben Davies (Swansea City, £8m plus swap), Federico Fazio (Sevilla, £8m), Michel Vorm (Swansea, £4.5m), Eric Dier (Sporting Lisbon, £4m), DeAndre Yedlin (Seattle Sounders, £2m), Benjamin Stambouli (Montpellier, Undisclosed).

Out: Jake Livermore (Hull City, £8m), Iago Falque (Genoa, £4m), Heurelho Gomes (Watford), Lawrence Vigouroux, Kevin Stewart (Both Liverpool), Darren McQueen (Ipswich Town), Gylfi Sigurdsson (Swansea City, Swap), Michael Dawson (Hull City, Undisclosed), Sandro (QPR, Undisclosed), Zeki Fryers (Crystal Palace, Loan), Grant Hall (Birmingham City, Loan), Alex Pritchard (Brentford, Loan), Kenny McEvoy (Peterborough United, Loan), Shaquile Coulthirst (Southend United, Loan), Jordan Archer (Northampton Town, Loan), DeAndre Yedlin (Seattle Sounders, Loan), Lewis Holtby (Hamburg, Loan).

Released: Giancarlo Gallifuoco, Cameron Lancaster, Roman Michael-Percil, Jonathan Miles.

WEST BROM

WEST BROM



WEST BROM

WEST BROM

In: Brown Ideye (Dynamo Kiev, £10m), Sebastien Pocognoli (Hannover 96, £1.5m), Jason Davidson (Heracles Almelo, Undisclosed), Cristian Gamboa (Rosenborg, Undisclosed), Sebastian Blanco (Metalist Kharkiv, Undisclosed), Georgios Samaras (Celtic), Craig Gardner (Sunderland), Joleon Lescott (Manchester City), Chris Baird (Burnley), Andre Wisdom (Liverpool, Loan), Silvestre Varela (Porto, Loan).

Out: George Thorne (Derby County, £2m), Billy Jones (Sunderland), Liam Ridgewell (Portland Timbers), Steven Reid (Burnley), Cameron Gayle (Shrewsbury Town), Donervon Daniels (Blackpool, Loan).

Released: Scott Allan, Zoltan Gera, Diego Lugano.

WEST HAM

WEST HAM



WEST HAM

WEST HAM

In: Enner Valencia (Pachuca, £12m), Aaron Cresswell (Ipswich Town, £3.75m), Cheikhou Kouyate (Anderlecht, Undisclosed), Mauro Zarate (Velez Sarsfield, Undisclosed), Diafra Sakho (FC Metz, Undisclosed), Diego Poyet (Charlton, Compensation), Morgan Amalfitano (Marseille), Carl Jenkinson (Arsenal, Loan), Alex Song (Barcelona, Loan).

Out: Ben Sheaf (Arsenal, Undisclosed), Mohamed Diame (Hull City, Undisclosed), Joe Cole (Aston Villa), Matt Taylor (Burnley), Stephen Henderson (Charlton), Robert Girdlestone (Chelmsford City), Charlie Wyke (MK Dons), Raphael Spiegel (Crawley Town, Loan), George Moncur (Colchester United, Loan).

Released: Jack Collison, Alou Diarra, Callum Driver, George McCartney, Jordan Spence.

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Prophet Iginla Who Predicted Ebola Outbreak Speaks Again

The General Overseer of Abuja-based Cham­pion Royal As­sembly Church, prophet Joshua Iginla, claimed in a recent interview that the world had not seen the worst Ebola yet.

It is believed that Iginla predicted the outbreak of the deadly tropical disease on December 31, 2013, saying that some virus would hit the world soon. Ebola epidemic started in West Africa in February and has killed more than 1,500 people since. With every single death the number of people isolated and new cases recorded increases dramatically and the World Health Organization (WHO) warns that the number of people infected might exceed 20,000. While the scientist from all over the world work days and night to develop the cure, there is currently no approved Ebola drug.

Related: Shocking New Details Emerge in Port Harcourt Ebola Case | Over 200 people are now in quarantine in PH

Speaking with Encomium, the clergyman, who is also CEO of Champions Television, pointed out the further devastating consequences of the Ebola outbreak and said what should be done:

“Even men of God are going to be victims of this. Prophetically, God showed me and I was afraid and I am sorry to say that. I remember when I predicted it in 2013, people went on social media to criticise me. There is a spiritual undertone to the issue. There is a link between the witchcraft coven and the marine world that lures people into hell and this is what I’m seeing. I am not mincing words. God revealed it to me which I have said that there would be something like a vaccine or hope that would come and it would be discovered by a group of scientists led by a white scientist with a bald head and this research will bring about 10 per cent hope. However, there is hope if spiritual leaders can complement the work of the scientists. As they are putting their heads together, we should also assemble to pray for the world. The way out is for us to adhere to measures put in place to prevent it and most important, turn to God.”

It is worth mentioning that the US National Institutes of Health Thursday announced the start of Ebola drug testing on humans in September. Alongside with testing they will start producing up to 10,000 doses of the vaccine to make it quickly available if it proves effective.

Meanwhile the developers of another anti-Ebola drug, ZMapp, have completed the testing on lab monkeys infected with the virus. According to the results, all the monkeys were successfully cured. The unapproved ZMapp has already been administered to several people worldwide, with some of them having recovered. Specifically it is believed to have saved the lives of 2 American health workers, who had contacted the disease in Liberia.

It would be recalled that Joshua Ingila predicted the knock-out of Brazil from the 2014 FIFA World Cup and the win of Germany in the tournament. This and several other accurate predictions have caused quite a stir in several quarters.

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TB Joshua’s ‘Anointing Sticker’ Saved Me – Survivor Of Boko Haram Attack

A Police officer, Omereji Friday who escaped Boko Haram’s attack at a Nigerian Police training college in Gwoza, Borno State on  Wednesday, August 20 recounted how TB Joshua’s ‘Anointing Sticker’ miraculously saved him.

According to a Nigerian Journalist, Ihechukwu Njoku, the survivor, Omereji Friday, a Rivers State indigene who was present at the scene of the bloody onslaught, attributes his own survival to divine protection.

Speaking at The Synagogue, Church Of All Nations (SCOAN) in Lagos, Nigeria on Sunday 31stAugust 2014, the mobile police officer explained that he was stationed in Nasarawa State when informed that a training exercise was to be conducted in Gwoza, Borno State.

Friday, who spoke in pidgin English during his testimony, said his wife had warned him of the dangers caused by the sect but wasn’t really bothered saying: “We quarrelled in the house and she told me if I did not go to Synagogue Church first, there would be trouble,” he explained to the congregation.

Friday, said he reluctantly decided to do the wish of his wife as he visited T.B. Joshua’s renowned church in Lagos before his journey to Gwoza.

Arriving in Lagos late on Sunday 17th August 2014, church activities at The SCOAN were about to cease. “I met one young man from South Sudan and introduced myself as a Nigerian police officer.

“He gave me the ‘Anointing Sticker’ which he was with and I put it in my pocket,” he continued.

Friday said his wife insisted that keeps the ‘sticker’ which bore the message ‘Let love lead’ around his neck next to his ID card.

Arriving at the military camp in Gwoza on Monday heavily armed, two days of training exercises were conducted hitch-free. “On Wednesday, our ‘oga’ told us to go and drop our arms and ammunition at a certain place before the exercise.”

According to Omereji, the policemen saw a helicopter hovering over their area on an apparent surveillance mission later on that day. They reported to their seniors but were told not to be alarmed.

It was when the training exercise of that day was concluded and the policemen were back in their lodging that Boko Haram militants struck.

Friday narrating his horrific ordeal said: “Suddenly, they called us to grab our guns. If you see how rain used to fall, that was how the bullets were falling. The person next to me was hit by a bullet and died in my presence. I fell down and began crawling. Our dormitory caught fire. Five armoured tanks were approaching with sophisticated weapons.”

“I began to shout, ‘God of T.B. Joshua, where are you? Come and save me.’ ” Bullets were raining around him but surprisingly none hit.

“I crawled to the high wall of the camp. I saw an officer attempting to climb over hit by a bullet and die instantly.” The wall was higher than an ordinary jump could reach by human capacity. “As I prayed, I jumped and don’t know what pushed me up over the wall.”

“It was a warfront. I was the only person I know of who survived this Boko Haram attack,” he soberly concluded. “This Anointing Sticker is powerful!”

In his comments, T.B. Joshua reiterated his previous assertion that Boko Haram was the challenge of Nigeria and not Ebola.  He further warned that infiltration from foreign militants had already occurred within Boko Haram, hence their sophisticated weaponry.

Gwoza, Borno state has been under several attacks by the dreaded Boko Haram sect.

On August 20, it was reported that following Boko Haram’s attack on mobile police training school, Gwoza, that about 35 policemen were still missing.

It was reported, yesterday, that Boko Haram members now allegedly use captured police college as their training grounds and its instructors as teachers.

On August 24, Boko Haram leader Abubakar Shekau in video message released by the press announced Gwoza a celiphate with claims the sects are using the palace of the Emir of Gwoza as their headquarters.

Latest reports is that the Nigerian military are fighting to reclaim Gwoza, Borno state and 14 surrounding villages from the insurgents.  Althoght there is reportedly strong resistance from  the sect who allegedly blocked access roads to the town making the troops launch “fierce attacks”.

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Revealed! Yvonne Nelson And John Dumelo In Secrete Romance

Ok Here comes another celebrity hide and seek lovers…

Yvonne Nelson just posted the above tweet of hers to amid the rumored report of her dating who she wants us all to be they are just friends (John Dumelo) unknowingly for then they have already exposed themselves too much that they can’t deny being in a romantic relationship.. We have some pictures and their captions that will wow you below.

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Rivers State Government Sends 3 People to Ebola Treatment Center

The Rivers Commissioner for Health, Sampson Parker, on Sunday in Port Harcourt said three persons have been moved to the state’s treatment centre for observation on the Ebola disease.

Parker told newsmen the patients are a doctor, a pharmacist and a woman who had contact with Dr Ike Enemuo, who died of Ebola on Aug. 22.

Enemuo was a Port Harcourt-based medical practitioner who treated an ECOWAS diplomat with the Ebola virus.

“We now have three patients at the treatment centre which is at Oduoha, Emohua local government area. The centre, which is about 25 kilometres east of Port Harcourt, has the capacity to treat patients.

“The three are a pharmacist at the Sam-Steel Hospital, a doctor who worked with the late Enemuo, and a lady who was at the Good Heart Hospital while Enemuo was there.

“However, they have not been confirmed to have the virus, and we are waiting for the result of investigation (Ebola test),’’ he said.

Parker said while the wife of Enemuo tested positive to Ebola, her condition was stable at a treatment centre in Lagos.

“Also, Enemuo’s three-month-old baby is alive and well,’’ he said.

The commissioner said government had traced 200 persons who had contact with the ECOWAS diplomat who was in Port Harcourt for Ebola treatment and Enemuo who treated him.

“Of this number, we are still to be in touch with about 60 of them. But 50 of them, who are high risk, have been identified. We are still on them and none has shown any symptoms.

“We are concentrating on the names. We have to capture them in our activities. But the good news is that we have been making good progress in checking the spread of Ebola,’’ he said.

Parker said Ebola patients who came out early for treatment at the Lagos centre have survived and had been cleared.

“Only the ones who hid themselves, going from one church to the other until they deteriorated so much, passed on.

“We must let the public know that anyone, in one way or the other, who had  primary or secondary contact with Dr Enemuo or the clinics and the hotel, should voluntarily contact us.

“Their having had contact with those people doesn’t mean that they are infected. All we need is just to observe them, and if there is anything, they should let us know.

“But they have to know that the chances of survival are very high, because all the people who went to the Lagos centre early were treated and cleared,’’ he said.

Parker said the state government had decontaminated a number of places related to those who had come in contact with the Ebola victims.

“These are the clinic of late Dr Enemuo, another clinic where he was treated, the hotel used by Enemuo to treat the ECOWAS diplomat, the morgue at the University of Port Harcourt Teaching Hospital and corpses at the morgue,’’ he said.

The commissioner also said the Ebola treatment centre at Oduoha had been decontaminated.

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Finally Revealed: The Real cause of Dagrin’s Death! – You need to see this (Look)

• Residents in Mushin in a new interview with SaharaReporters, blamed the fatal night-time crash on the Nigerian police in Alakara station.


• According to them, Policemen at the Alakara Police Command in the Mushin area of Lagos State are notorious for illegal raiding, bribery, and even escapades of what some call ‘murder at night’.

“I was there that night, and we did not even know at first that it was anyone (famous) like that. We were only helping to remove his body and to rescue him,” a young witness told the website.

“What actually happened that night was that the policemen had stopped the cement truck at the middle of road, and of course, they could only be asking for a bribe.

“Unfortunately, the truck had no rear light, (of any kind,) and so the oncoming car was unaware of any vehicle ahead. It just rammed head on, into it from the back.

“It rammed into the truck hard without holding the brakes at all, and that is because the truck in its front, had no light to show anything was there.

“So after we removed the body, we realized it was Da Grin, and he was groaning. They asked the truck driver to move forward and park out off of the road. They then moved Da Grin’s car afterwards so it would then look like he went to hit the truck where it parked.

“We were not thinking about all these as an attempt to change the story. We were only concerned about helping the victim of an accident, and by when they finished their artificial story, the world was only waiting for Da Grin’s recovery. But news broke later that he had died at the hospital.

“What made their story work was that the car did not hold its breaks, so there was no sign of screeching on the ground. Otherwise, the marks of friction from the tyres would be in the spot where it was removed, before parking it, and rearranging the scene.

“They did everything very fast, and by morning, they were no longer the cause of the accident.) Just like on Tuesday night, that they scared everyone away, and washed the blood stains of their victim within a brief period,” the young man continued.

“Of course, they caused the accident that killed Da Grin. And that is how they commit so much atrocities here in Mushin that the public will not know about, or what the truth is.

“We live here and we see them live, every time.”

The Alakara policemen are described as very apt, and swift, in immediately ‘cleaning up’ their dirty business, leaving behind little, to no evidence, of their atrocities….. MAY HIS GENTLE SOUL CONTINUE TO REST IN PEACE …. PLEASE COMMENT AMEN

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