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Showing posts with label JOKES. Show all posts
Showing posts with label JOKES. Show all posts
Tuesday 3 February 2015
Thursday 22 January 2015
LOL! She at it again! Some of the things Mama Peace allegedly said at PDP rally in Rivers today
Tuesday 20 January 2015
Did Mama Peace really say our God on earth is PDP? Hehe
Monday 19 January 2015
Justin Bieber, his eggplant and Kendall Jenner spotted at his back garden
busted! Meet the man who's dating Michelle Obama, Beyonce and Kim K...
Sunday 18 January 2015
Saturday 17 January 2015
Tuesday 30 December 2014
Monday 8 December 2014
Thursday 6 November 2014
LOL JOKES TIME (THE NMODEL)
There was model who was always sleeping around. she slept with all men. so one time she got pregnant. After she gave birth, the nurse brought her baby to her and this was their conversation.
Nurse: miss, you have given birth to a bouncing baby boy. Congratulations! but i'm afraid there is a problem.
Model: thank you. what is it?
nurse; youR baby is black
model: that must have happened when i slept with the black man
nurse: he has Chinese eyes
model: that was when i slept with the Chinese guy
nurse: he also has curly hair
Model: ok that was the Spanish guy then. can u give me the baby nurse?
nurse: oh sure,why not?
(model takes the baby and hits him really hard in his butt, then he starts crying)
nurse(shocked):what did u do that for?
Model: i wanted to see if he would bark
Saturday 13 September 2014
Akpors the bad Samaritan
Akpors was in his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
AKPORS: Why are you eating grass?
POOR MAN: I don’t have any money for food.
AKPORS: Oh, please come to my house!
POOR MAN: But sir, I have a wife and four children…
AKPORS: Bring them along! They all climbed into the limousine. They begin to leave
POOR MAN: Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in.
AKPORS: No, problem. I like feeding the hungry. The grass at my house is over five feet tall, it will be enough for you and all of your family members!.”
AKPORS: Why are you eating grass?
POOR MAN: I don’t have any money for food.
AKPORS: Oh, please come to my house!
POOR MAN: But sir, I have a wife and four children…
AKPORS: Bring them along! They all climbed into the limousine. They begin to leave
POOR MAN: Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in.
AKPORS: No, problem. I like feeding the hungry. The grass at my house is over five feet tall, it will be enough for you and all of your family members!.”
Akpors the fake Americana
After two weeks in Dubai, Akpors came back to Naija with a fake American accent. He flew in late and while on his way home was stopped by men of the Nigeria Police Force.”Hey, where u dey go? one of the officers asked Akpors. Stupid Akpors instead of replying decided to try out his new fake way of talking replied: “Wat de f*ck do u mean, Yo talking tu me?” This got the officers angry and they dragged Akpors to the station and threw him in a cell.
There in the cell, Akpors kept on ranting and shouting, “Yo bunch of shits, I gat the damn right to make a phone call in this cell. Get me a f*cking phone!!” This went on until a BOSS (Oga) in the cell told one of his boys in his husky and thunderous voice, “Scorpion, abeg give this guy one phone call”. Scorpion headed straight to Akpors’ corner and landed him a THUNDEROUS SLAP” GBOOOOAAAAAAA”. The sound was nothing far from the sound of a Thunder strike, and then he asked Akpors “bros, e done dey ring, abi make I redial?”
Akpors’ accent quickly changed and he replied: “Bros abeg, e don connect”
There in the cell, Akpors kept on ranting and shouting, “Yo bunch of shits, I gat the damn right to make a phone call in this cell. Get me a f*cking phone!!” This went on until a BOSS (Oga) in the cell told one of his boys in his husky and thunderous voice, “Scorpion, abeg give this guy one phone call”. Scorpion headed straight to Akpors’ corner and landed him a THUNDEROUS SLAP” GBOOOOAAAAAAA”. The sound was nothing far from the sound of a Thunder strike, and then he asked Akpors “bros, e done dey ring, abi make I redial?”
Akpors’ accent quickly changed and he replied: “Bros abeg, e don connect”
Akpors the gold digger
Akpors was having a serious quarrel with his girlfriend one day, angrily he ordered “go pack all your clothes and…” he got interrupted by her ringing phone. She picked and put it on loud speaker because she was furious and pacing up and down; it was her elder brother in the UK saying he has paid £300,000 to her account and instructed her to withdraw £100,000 for her boyfriend. She thanked her brother and hung up, then she turned to her boyfriend Akpors and said ‘go ahead, you were saying I should pack my things?’
Akpors: Hehehe, my love, I was saying that I don’t like the fact we were quarreling, and that you should pack your things and give them to me so I’ll wash everything for you.
One word for Akpors?
Akpors: Hehehe, my love, I was saying that I don’t like the fact we were quarreling, and that you should pack your things and give them to me so I’ll wash everything for you.
One word for Akpors?
Akpors and the policeman
A policeman finds little Akpors wandering the streets lost one day and tries to help him trace his home.
POLICE: Little boy, where do you live?
AKPORS: With my parents.
POLICE: Where do your parents live?
AKPORS: With me.
POLICE: (getting irritated) Where do you all live?
AKPORS: Together.
POLICE: Oh my goodness, so where is your house?
AKPORS: Next to my neighbour’s house.
POLICE: (angrily) Where is your neighbour’s house?
AKPORS: hehehehe…if I tell you, you won’t believe me.
POLICE: (feeling a bit relieved) I will, go ahead, tell me.
AKPORS: Next to my house!!!
Policeman gives up!
POLICE: Little boy, where do you live?
AKPORS: With my parents.
POLICE: Where do your parents live?
AKPORS: With me.
POLICE: (getting irritated) Where do you all live?
AKPORS: Together.
POLICE: Oh my goodness, so where is your house?
AKPORS: Next to my neighbour’s house.
POLICE: (angrily) Where is your neighbour’s house?
AKPORS: hehehehe…if I tell you, you won’t believe me.
POLICE: (feeling a bit relieved) I will, go ahead, tell me.
AKPORS: Next to my house!!!
Policeman gives up!
Akpors checks his result
Akpors no go kill person oh. He sent his JAMB registration number to his friend, Ochuke, to help him check his result at a cybercafe.
After some minutes Ochuke sent him the breakdown of his result in a text message as follows:
English – 12
Commerce – 39
Government – 41
Economics – 29
Aggregate – 121
Immediately he sent it Akpors called him back in a harsh tone;
Akpors: Ochuke! which kain nonsense JAMB dey do self? Dis no b my result nah. Why dem com put Aggregate for me give me 121 on top wetin I no write, see my English wey I suffer write na only 12 dem give me; wetin be dis na?
Ochuke: *speechless*
And that was the day Ochuke completely gave up on his friend Akpors!
After some minutes Ochuke sent him the breakdown of his result in a text message as follows:
English – 12
Commerce – 39
Government – 41
Economics – 29
Aggregate – 121
Immediately he sent it Akpors called him back in a harsh tone;
Akpors: Ochuke! which kain nonsense JAMB dey do self? Dis no b my result nah. Why dem com put Aggregate for me give me 121 on top wetin I no write, see my English wey I suffer write na only 12 dem give me; wetin be dis na?
Ochuke: *speechless*
And that was the day Ochuke completely gave up on his friend Akpors!
Akpors and the teacher’s
Atheist Teacher: Do you believe in God?
Akpors: Of course sir.
Atheist Teacher: Well have you ever seen God?
Akpors: No
Atheist Teacher: Then there is no God.
Akpors: Hmnn, excuse me sir, but have you ever seen your brain?
Atheist Teacher: What?? Of course not.
Akpors: Then you have no Brain.
One word for Akpors this time around?
Akpors: Of course sir.
Atheist Teacher: Well have you ever seen God?
Akpors: No
Atheist Teacher: Then there is no God.
Akpors: Hmnn, excuse me sir, but have you ever seen your brain?
Atheist Teacher: What?? Of course not.
Akpors: Then you have no Brain.
One word for Akpors this time around?
Akpors’ logic
After writing the most awful exam in his life, Akpors offered his Professor a deal to save his grades:
“If you can answer just one question, I will accept my final marks, if you can’t, you have to give me an ‘A’.”
The Professor agreed.
Akpors asked: “What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal and neither legal nor logical?”
The Professor thought about it for hours and pondered but found no answer. He finally had to give up as he really did not know and he gave Akpors an “A”.
The following day, professor asked same question to his students.
He was shocked when all of them raised their hands. He picked one of them.
The student answered: “Sir, you are 65, married to 28-year-old woman, this is legal, but not logical.
“Your wife is having an affair with a 23-year-old boy, this is logical but not legal.
“Your wife’s boyfriend has failed in his exam and yet you have given him an “A”, this is neither logical nor legal.”
The professor fainted!
“If you can answer just one question, I will accept my final marks, if you can’t, you have to give me an ‘A’.”
The Professor agreed.
Akpors asked: “What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal and neither legal nor logical?”
The Professor thought about it for hours and pondered but found no answer. He finally had to give up as he really did not know and he gave Akpors an “A”.
The following day, professor asked same question to his students.
He was shocked when all of them raised their hands. He picked one of them.
The student answered: “Sir, you are 65, married to 28-year-old woman, this is legal, but not logical.
“Your wife is having an affair with a 23-year-old boy, this is logical but not legal.
“Your wife’s boyfriend has failed in his exam and yet you have given him an “A”, this is neither logical nor legal.”
The professor fainted!
Unfortunate Akpors
Akpors wanted to be rich and decided to seek help from a native doctor.
The native doctor told him that he will be the richest man on earth on the condition that he will be mad for one full year; a very difficult condition but the results will be amazing he explained. Akpors thought about it for a while and then agreed.
Akpors became mad and was roaming the street for eleven months and thirty days remaining just one day for his plight to be over, but unfortunately for him, a pastor from no where came and cast the spirit of madness out of him!
If you were Akpors, what would you do to this pastor?
The native doctor told him that he will be the richest man on earth on the condition that he will be mad for one full year; a very difficult condition but the results will be amazing he explained. Akpors thought about it for a while and then agreed.
Akpors became mad and was roaming the street for eleven months and thirty days remaining just one day for his plight to be over, but unfortunately for him, a pastor from no where came and cast the spirit of madness out of him!
If you were Akpors, what would you do to this pastor?
Akpors the horrible houseboy
A lady was in need of a house boy, Papa Akpors had gotten fed up of Akpors’ wahala that he decided to offer up his son. The lady said to Papa Akpors: I need someone who will be obedient and not pry into my business or talk about whatever I do in my house, I also need him to be smart, does your son have these qualities? Papa Akpors: Oh yea, Akpors is a sharp boy, just test him.
Then the lady said to Akpors, “young man, how do i look?” Akpors looked at her well and replied: “you look like a prostitute”. The lady turned to his father and said “I can’t take such a rude boy”. The father pleaded with her to wait a little, he took Akpors to the back of the house and gave him 10 strokes of can, then he said to him: “insult that lady one more time and i will give you 10 more strokes of the cane.
He took Akpors back to the lady and said “please madam ask him another question.
Lady: If i come home with a man, who is he?
Akpors: Your husband.
Lady: 2 men?
Akpors: Your husband and his brother.
Lady: 3 men?
Akpors: Your husband, his brother and your brother.
Lady: 4 men?
Akpors: (turns to his father) Papa, abeg, bring your cane and give me 20 more strokes, I already told you, this woman is a PROSTITUTE oh!
Then the lady said to Akpors, “young man, how do i look?” Akpors looked at her well and replied: “you look like a prostitute”. The lady turned to his father and said “I can’t take such a rude boy”. The father pleaded with her to wait a little, he took Akpors to the back of the house and gave him 10 strokes of can, then he said to him: “insult that lady one more time and i will give you 10 more strokes of the cane.
He took Akpors back to the lady and said “please madam ask him another question.
Lady: If i come home with a man, who is he?
Akpors: Your husband.
Lady: 2 men?
Akpors: Your husband and his brother.
Lady: 3 men?
Akpors: Your husband, his brother and your brother.
Lady: 4 men?
Akpors: (turns to his father) Papa, abeg, bring your cane and give me 20 more strokes, I already told you, this woman is a PROSTITUTE oh!
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